Photographs, witness testimony by daycare providers, teachers, neighbors and more was necessary as evidence in Family Court. Fathers were perceived as not being involved. Your Mother told the court we never did anything with anyone or anything of any value at all. The photos proved Her to be a fraud, a liar and thief as well as a Hood Rat. The two days a month that We spent together involve museums, libraries, visits with Aunts, overnights with Grandma .. all in two days and two nights a month, divided among everyone that knew You. It was non stop those two days and by the time We got home, had dinner, read books all night long, it was what anyone would call a full day of activity. It was the same claim that your brothers mother made in their case as well when attempting to limit the number of overnights that they spent with me. It was a common practice across America in most child custody cases. Based upon and supported by The Tender Years Doctrine, there were no arguments to overcome this fallacy other than documented evidence to prove otherwise.
That is what I had, a yearlong log of all the days, nights and weekends that my sons were with me. Every day, night and weekend that their Mother could not make it to pick them up for whatever reason and any reason. Whether she had to work late or didn’t feel good, maybe it was Friday and she needed a drink, often it was simply that she needed to go to Lousiana to “get away” for awhile. It did not take long for their Mother to realize that she had the best possible free babysitter for anytime for however long she wanted and without notice. There were many, many days and nights when their Mother would show up out of the blue demanding to “have her sons right now or she was calling the police”. It was the norm that she could flip at any moment and go in any direction and it was disappointing to see how your brothers reacted also.
It did not matter what time of day or night no matter what we doing where we were at who we were with if their Mother wanted then they would be going with her. It was disruptive and destroyed any sense of teamwork in so far as parents working together for smooth transitions from one household to another. At every opportunity their mother downplayed if not outright protested every effort I made to get them involve with other boys doing things other than video games 24/7. They were enrolled in a Rights of Passage program that involved martial arts and other forms of mental discipline but they could not complete it. Their Mother felt no need for it so when they were with her they did not have to attend classes and fell behind the first month. Too many days after returning to their mothers home I would get a call from her yelling and screaming, with them in the background, complaining about anything I requested, suggested, discussed or participated in at my home. There was an automatic reaction at every opportunity to belittle, disparage, put down and essentially make clear that their time with me was a waste of time. No homework or discussions at all about school or anything and this is the way it was every single day..
It was her claim too that when my sons were with me that we did nothing of value so I had to have photographs taken at their friends birthday parties, at daycare, in the park or at their Grandmothers house, with my friends and their children, at museums and anywhere common sense would say we would be or things we would do. My sons mothers claims were so serious and allegedly supported, backed up by her son from a previous relationship’s claim of abuse he suffered when he was at our home. Psychological evaluations were ordered by the court, expensive timely psychological evaluations looking at ink spots and all kinds of tests. The results were that Her son from a previous relationship had a vivid imagination but there was no abuse, he simply did not want to live with us and wanted to be with his grandmother, and play video games all day and night. It was the Guardian ad litem, your brothers court appointed attorney that informed me after joint custody was granted that it was your mother who testified on your stepmothers behalf stating in the two days a month we had as “visitation” that we did nothing of value. How sick but that was common in child custody cases whereas once again the less time the non custodial parent spends with the children the more child support would be ordered. This child support custody game did not take long to figure out. I was screwed as the majority of Men were in family court. It was easy and simple, did not take much time and was very effective. There must be a better way for me to live the rest of my life other than paying child support that would escalate every year for children I would very rarely if ever see with Mothers that had no need for fathers at all. The rules were clear and final. There must be a better way within the rules to garner an outcome that would allow me to enjoy my life wherever I wanted without this drama and expense, without these annual court hearings to review how well I was doing or how much I was making in my chosen career and how much more I would have to pay whenever more was requested. Like everything else in life the first thing to do is to evaluate the situation, clearly understood all possible outcomes, remedies, solutions, whatever possible scenarios I could imagine and make a decision supported by a detailed plan and go for it. This is where most non custodial parents, especially men, are defeated, humiliated and destroyed, is in their mind. It becomes so emotional where children are concerned and the exodus of them from one’s life can be traumatic with long lasting effects. I gained control of the oscillating vicissitudes of wide ranging emotions and developed a plan. There would be a drastic change in my career goals, employment and personal financial needs and expenses, everything. And I was playing by the rules. The day I walked away from The American Dream, divorced it and said goodbye to all the drama. That day was a good day. .
Inspiration comes of working every day.